Body Image in Pregnancy and in the Postpartum Time
We talk with our clients about body image on a frequent basis. In honor of National Eating Disorder Week in 2021, we are proud to share this post that was written by our Director, Stephanie Avey.
Weight. Celebrated and vilified. Perpetuated on social media. How does this impact our views about our bodies during pregnancy and during the postpartum time? When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I remember seeing these beautiful pregnant bodies on social media with perfect silhouettes and glowing skin. When I was newly postpartum, I remember seeing ad-after-ad about “losing the baby weight” and “getting your pre-baby body back”. I saw images on social media of newly postpartum parents dressed in fashionable outfits, perfect make-up, and hair combed and curled.
To say that I had a healthy relationship with these images would be flat out lying.
When I was in my early years of high school, many years ago, I struggled with disordered eating. At the time, I was coping with a lot. I was taken advantage of by a boy I trusted and I was taunted and bullied by girls who I thought were my friends. I didn’t feel that I was in control of my life and this caused me to spiral. I coped with these feelings by partaking in a binge/purge cycle of eating. It was not everyday, but it took place on days when I felt out of control. It gave me power back. As I learned new methods of dealing with these feelings and healing from trauma, I was able to slowly stop this cycle.
Fast-forward 13 years. My husband and I were struggling with conceiving, I had gained a significant amount of weight from college (hello Coors Light and Frontier Sweet Rolls!), and I was working a very demanding full-time job. My life was, yet again, feeling out of control. I saw myself as fat and unworthy of love from anyone, but especially my husband and my yet-to-be-born baby. Of course those thoughts were only my perception. My husband adored my body and told me daily how beautiful he thought I was. He got upset when I would make negative comments about my body and would encourage me to talk to myself nicely. But old habits die hard (or so I’m told). The need to control my circumstance was strong and I struggled with the desire to begin the binge/purge cycle again. Instead of partaking in this practice, I turned to extreme calorie restriction which made me miserable and was just as toxic to my mental health as binging and purging.
One year later, I was elated when I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter. I was going to be a mother and my loving husband was going to be a father. Part of me could not wait to watch my body grow to accommodate a blooming life and the other was terrified of the weight gain. “You’ll never be skinny again. Get used to seeing your body this way.” Even though I felt this way, I allowed myself to eat normally. This was a struggle.
As I went through my pregnancy, I found myself taking a lot of pictures of my belly, pretending I liked the way I looked.
Me, pregnant with my first daughter, circa 2013
In fact, it was quite the opposite. I felt horrible. I hated my body. I hated the stretch marks I could see appearing on my belly. I hated the additional weight and could not wait to “have my body back”. I would envy people I saw on social media who appeared not to gain any weight except for their bellies. Why did I have to gain so much weight? Why didn’t I look like them? What would my body look like after my daughter was born? Would I look like all the people I saw with the perfect hair and cute outfits? It was all consuming.
The day after my daughter was born, I attempted my first postpartum shower. It was the first time I had seen my stomach postpartum; I was too afraid (and tired) to look and accept what I was about to see. When I took off my robe, I stood in the mirror. I stared for what seemed like five minutes, although it couldn’t have been that long. All of a sudden, I burst out LAUGHING. It was not the reaction I had expected. I heard my husband yell from the other room, “what are you laughing at?” I flung open the door and showed him what I had been laughing at. My body. The loose skin on my stomach began giggling as I laughed, which just created a snowball effect and I could not stop laughing. My husband laughed along with me and I remember thinking “do I hate my body or love it?” My deflated stomach, that I feared, gave me so much joy in that moment. It was a strange feeling.
In the months following the birth of my daughter, I had many conflicting feelings about my body.
My pregnancy announcement for my second daughter, circa 2014
On one hand, how could I hate the body that carried my baby safely and made me a mother? On the other hand, how could I love a body that had extra skin, extra weight, stretch marks, hormonal acne, and postpartum hair loss? Again, social media strongly influenced these feelings as I would compare my body and my experience to those I saw under ring lights, filters, and rose-colored glasses. I felt out of control, yet again, and my brain diverted to thoughts of binging, purging, and extreme restriction. Instead of fixating on this cycle, I focused my attention on positive coping mechanisms: feeding my body with nourishing foods and moving my body with exercise that felt good. My goal was just to feel good in my body and to stop hating it and it worked -- at least most of the time.
Ten months after my oldest daughter was born, I found out I was pregnant again. Shit. The cycle of negative thoughts and feelings rushed over me like a tsunami. I felt like I was just getting in control of my body image and now it felt that it was ripped away from me. Boy, was I wrong.
It was in this pregnancy that I learned to love my changing body.
I focused on ways to support my brain and my body through meditation, nourishing foods, exercise, chiropractic care, and reading affirmations. When I took pictures of my growing belly, I felt proud and not disgusted.
After my second daughter was born, I set a goal. I was going to talk nicely about my body, I was going to feed it, move it, and give it time to heal. I turned off social media when my body image became negative. I engaged in activities that made me feel good and strong. Now, over five years later, I find that I have respect for my body and the journey it has taken me on. This does not mean that I don’t struggle when I look in the mirror from time-to-time. I do. When this happens, I remind myself of my journey and how those negative thoughts are like parasites, stealing joy unnecessarily from my life and I work hard to redirect those thoughts to positive coping mechanisms.
This was my experience. It may be similar or different from yours. But, if you are reading this and you’re struggling with your body image during this transformative time, please know you’re not alone and you are worthy.
Worthy of respect, worthy of health, worthy of food, worthy of love, and worthy of life. Our bodies are not made to fit a “mold” and they are not made to please others. They are made to keep us safe. They are made to get us from “point A to point B”. They are made to love, hold, and feed our babies. They are made to think and feel. They are so much more than an Instagram post or the size of your jeans. Your body’s size does not define your worth.
Some final thoughts for you. Not every suggestion that I make will be right for you and that’s okay. You are unique and your individual needs are dependent on so many factors including prior trauma, life experiences, relationships, and access to resources. However, below are a few things that I found helpful in my journey to creating a healthier outlook on my body:
36 weeks pregnant with my second daughter
Ask for help and support from someone you trust, whether this is your spouse, family member, friend, support group, or therapist. You’re not alone.
Remind yourself that your body needs time to rest and repair from pregnancy and birth.
Set aside time to practice mindfulness. This can be guided meditation, affirmations, or spending time in nature. Your body is truly incredible, at any shape or size. It sustains life and is worthy.
Remember that food plays many roles in our overall health. Feeding our bodies nutritious, whole foods, can help our bodies: operate efficiently, ward off illness and chronic diseases, help our body heal, eliminate brain fog, and give us more energy. Food also plays an important role in our mental health. Not everything you eat has to be 100% “healthy”! Enjoy that ice cream or cheeseburger and do so without guilt. Life is about balance in almost every realm; the same is true about food.
Move your body by doing what makes you feel good. Many people believe that you are only exercising if you’re spending hours in the gym or dripping in sweat after a long run, but that is simply not true. Exercise is simply moving your body. You can go for a swim, a walk, ride a bike, go on a hike, run with your kiddos, dance, practice jiu jitsu -- truly the options are endless! Do what makes you happy. When we move our bodies, our brain creates dopamine and serotonin, which can improve our mood. When we are in a good mood, we tend to feel better about ourselves.
Talk about yourself and to yourself kindly. Would you tell your friend that they are “fat” or “gross”? Would you tug and squish your friend's stomach with disgust? My thought is “no”. If you would not treat someone else that way, don’t treat yourself that way. Show yourself as much respect as you would show someone else.
Remove things from your life that make you feel less-than. For me, this looked like unplugging from social media and not watching TV shows that made me feel like I was unworthy because I did not look a certain way.
