One Man's View of Childbirth

Written by Doula Judy’s Husband Brad Key

The beginning of life is an electric experience. Everyone and everything changes. For me, my fatherhood began the day my wife Judy found out that she was pregnant. From then on our lives were different. Thank God we were given nine months to prepare for the birth. We didn't need that much time to setup the crib or even to choose names — we needed the time to redefine our lives. Judy was no longer to be just my wife, or my best friend, but she was becoming the mother of my children. I had always wanted to be a father, and we planned our pregnancy, so I thought I was ready. But what a thrill to think about having our own baby. During that first pregnancy, nothing else mattered as much as preparing for the birth.

Brad Key snuggles his first born daughter in 1983.

Judy researched everything she could find on pregnancy and childbirth. She read books over and over, as if she were studying for an exam. I told her I had never seen her more excited about anything. She laughed that most people spend more time researching the purchase of a new VCR than they do preparing for a new baby. We both wanted only the best. Of course, we didn't know what that meant, but we committed to finding out. Judy called the local maternity center, a small facility run by Certified Nurse Midwives (CNMs), and scheduled us for a tour. I don't think I had ever heard of a midwife. Over the next ten years, four midwives would guide us through the births of our children.

MARTY

The first midwife we met was Marty. She was a young CNM who had already assisted in hundreds of births. Her attitude was so upbeat and enthusiastic it seemed like we were at a pep rally. She showed us the maternity center, always describing birth as a wonderful experience. Marty later taught our weekly childbirth preparation classes where we learned above all else that the responsibility for the healthy birth of our children is ours. So many people seem to rely blindly on others to control their pregnancies. Marty gave us the encouragement and education to help us take the lead. Each week we looked forward to Marty's class. We became close friends with the other first-time parents and began to think of ourselves that way.

One night during our class a woman was in labor in another room. We could hear her contraction moans, so Marty took the opportunity to describe the stages of her labor. This laboring mother's attitude about birth was so open and honest that she invited us into the room so she could describe her feelings during the contractions. You don't ever forget a lesson taught with that kind of visual aid.

Marty wasn't able to be at our first birth, but she was at our second, and will always be a precious friend. She gave us the most important gift of all — our own self-confidence.

ALEX

Alex was our midwife at the birth of our first child. Like Marty, she was young and positive. But she had a sharp sense of humor, and a very matter-of-fact personality. She was the one who first let us hear our daughter's heartbeat, who measured Judy and charted her progress, who gave advice about diet and preparing for the big day. As our due date approached, Alex told Judy the best way to get labor started was to walk — a lot. So Judy and I walked everywhere, on some nights to the top of 12 story buildings. It didn't get the labor started, but we both had great thigh muscles for months after.

7 years later in 1990, the Key family is complete.

The morning of the day our daughter Jordan was born, Alex made us comfortable and gave us a pep talk. She checked on us periodically, but mostly let us have the time to ourselves which is just what we needed. It is that sensitivity to parents that we found common in all of our midwives. When it came time for the birth Alex was ready, and Judy did great. Jordan came out with her eyes open wide — looking for Mom. Alex made sure everyone was fine, got Judy something healthy to eat, and then went to rugby practice.

SANDY

After our first birth, there was no doubt that we would have a nurse midwife at the delivery of all of our children. The maternity center had closed since our first birth so we decided to have our second baby at home. We found Sandy, a midwife who did home-births. She was a quiet woman who let us do the talking. Rather than give stock answers, she let us think our questions through. This pregnancy was like a dream — no problems, no worries. During labor, Sandy knitted a little stocking cap for the baby. Marty came to help Sandy at the birth, but they both let Judy run the show. She decided what, when, and where. But I wanted to do more — so they stood back as Judy pushed, and I eased my first son Bailey into the world.

KAREN

Midwife Karen with baby Brady in 1990.

Our third child was also born at home with the help of our last midwife, Karen. Remarkably, she is the only midwife of the four to have her own children. And as with all of them, her love of children was clear in her eyes. She made us feel very relaxed during her visits. When the time came Karen warned us that this birth might be fast. I ran hot water in the sink and then ran back to catch little Brady. We just laughed as we took turns holding him. It was two hours before we realized the water was still running in the sink. Throughout the pregnancy, Karen had been there whenever we needed her but never got in the way.

These four midwives, Marty, Alex, Sandy, and Karen seem like big sisters to me now — part of our family. In my life there have been a handful of people that made a lasting impression — my parents, certain teachers, a coach, my wife — and my midwives. Life and the beginning of life wouldn't be the same without them.